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Nidge aka F#c#ed in the head, old dear slayer
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Big Nig offers perhaps the worst behaviour in the B.A.A.S, which is why he was put in charge of nobbling, maiming and conflict creating. He is well known throughout the B.A.A.S college for his rowdy and threatening behaviour. This member however must be given huge amounts of credit for downing a full bottle of wine in one on his birthday. He is also skilled in downing pints in one using only his teeth. His hatred towards select lecturers and students is legendary at the B.A.A.S college.
Lee aka Slim Slasher
When Lee is out with the rest of the B.A.A.S some form of confrontation is always guaranteed. Whether they be a foreigner, an old dear, or a runt, some form of maiming is always on the cards. While continuos violent behaviour towards lecturers and colleagues at the B.A.A.S college is one of his many strong points, his main talent it has to be said lies in the art of the nobble (just ask slim). One of the founding fathers of the B.A.A.S Lee will be undoubtably still nobbling in many decades to come.
Ben aka Rex the Runt
One of the more obsessive alcoholics on the team. Ben can be often found drinking himself into an oblivion in Doncaster town centre. When such alcoholic behaviour is under way it is certain that Ben will begin to talk in a highly loud voice so as to initiate as much conflict as is humanly possible. The camera man for the B.A.A.S Ben?s photos are currently on the web site. Despite going out with Chucky of the Rugrats Ben is still held in high regard within the alcoholic circles.
Hodgey aka a daft foreign Basher
A more sick and twisted mind cannot possibly exist within the B.A.A.S (and that?s saying something). Whilst although Hodgey may appear to be of sound mind during the entry into the first pub, it is guaranteed that after the first sip of the first pint alcoholic chaos will ensue. Usually some foreigner (anyone outside South Yorkshire) will be greatly insulted ensuring a mass brawl. Well known for being physically abusive towards his family (especially his Mother) he perhaps should have been locked away many years ago. Obviously though however the B.A.A.S see nothing wrong with this kind of behaviour. SOUND.
Louise aka Lu Lu, Po
While although Louise cannot be classed as a hardcore alcoholic she has achieved membership to the B.A.A.S through supporting our many maiming events as well as being one of the very few sound people in Hoskins. While although not appreciating the obvious benefits of maiming and nobbling through fear of killings and imprisonment, this severe mental illness can be cured by getting her bolloxed. Louise however must improve on her B.A.A.S studies if she hopes to move into the higher echelon of professional maimers. This kind of behaviour will come however with time and much ale downing.
Kris aka Drunk and Drugged
Not only does Kris take to the downing of ale on his visits around regional ale houses but he also finds the urge to nobble some ugly pills down his throat. Kris has explained that this leads to an even more fucked up night with even more trouble. Such self-abuse can only mean that Kris is highly fucked in the head. Kris?s many suicide attempts have made him famous throughout the B.A.A.S college. Kris is a professional raver who has a tendency to spike certain members of the runt community?s drinks, and not with more alcohol I would like to add.
Slim aka Alcoholic Victim, Supernatural
Clearly the most fucked in the head member of the B.A.A.S who is in constant need of medical help. Slim?s pass times include stalking a certain member of the B.A.A.S, writing immature stories, paying for drinks for the rest of the B.A.A.S?s drinks and being as nice as possible to all lecturers. Even with all this however he is still so fucked in the skull that he believes everybody goes around nobbling and glassing as part of their everyday routine (which they obviously do). If he refuses to get drunk we usually spike his drink and then watch the chaos ensue.
Judith aka Welsh Maimer
This girl is obviously highly fucked in the brain for having any type of relationship with Big Nig. One of the latest members Judith specialises in the art of fist fighting as well as slapping. Although she can be classed as a foreigner due to being from the Asian country of Wales she is still welcomed in to the B.A.A.S for her blatantly violent behaviour. Also enjoys downing alcohol at excess speeds much like Nig.
NON MEMBERS OF THE B.A.A.S
Runt in front
Roy and Hayley
Fatty, Ratty and Batty (The Rat Pack)
The Sproggs
Chucky
Any HND top up student in our year
Any student from George Town
Anyone who hasn?t been mentioned
B.A.A.S Problem Page
Dear Editor
Whilst on holiday to Spain I fell madly in love with a young girl who I believe is a member of the B.A.A.S. After harassing her for nearly a year now and my actions have become rather psychotic. I have sent her many presents and cards and have even taken to threatening her friends and members of her family but nothing seems to have grabbed her attention. Even though she is in love with her current boyfriend I still continue to stalk her and talk about her to all my friends. I would appreciate any advise you could give.
A Fucked up runt
The Editors reply
Dear Fucked up runt
By your letter I can see that you are highly dangerous and fucked in the head. I would first like to recommend a visit to a mental institution where you will receive the correct care. Secondly if the said girl is a member of the B.A.A.S I would recommend you leave her alone or be severely glassed. She appears to be happy in her current relationship so leave her alone you fucked cunt.
Dear Editor
I was very recently a subject of a practical joke by the B.A.A.S. After complaining about the noise after a recent B.A.A.S meeting I found myself in a life threatening situation. While driving my wife and two daughters to work and school on Friday the 30th April (the following day of the said event) I became aware that my brakes had been cut. Unable to stop safely my car went skidding into a wall at around 30 miles per hour. While my wife and I both escaped with just a few broken bones, my two daughters lie in intensive care. Please, please, please advise me on what course of action to take.
Destroyed in Dearne Valley
The Editor?s reply
Dear Destroyed in Doncaster
It must be said that all I can view your recent behaviour as being is utterly appalling. You must realise that the B.A.A.S are well in their rights to hold rowdy events at any time in their leisure and are also well in their rights to cut your car brakes. To resolve the situation I would suggest that you write a letter of apology to the B.A.A.S as supplying them with numerous free alcoholic beverages. If they decide to forgive you, the matter will be laid to rest. If however they cannot forgive you for such appalling behaviour, perhaps immigration would be an offer worth considering. Please reply and tell me if you have been able to resolve the situation
The Editor
Dear Editor
My friend and I have recently started up the trend of parading around our place of work wearing sunglasses. We aren?t really interested about what the weather is like and even wear them to bed at night. I noticed that your page was dedicated to people who are fucked in the head and was wondering if you could tell us whether this behaviour is normal. Please could you also publish the picture of us along with the rest of the cast at Coronation Street (except Les Battersby and Mike Baldwin, as they?ve been rather nasty to us over the last few weeks). Thank you.
Roy and Hayley
Dear Roy and Hayley
Although the B.A.A.S member?s page is concerned with people who are fucked in the head it does not however deal with silly cunts. I can only class your obsession with sunglasses as being highly unsound. I would also like to suggest that you put a stop to your bizarre sexual habits before the B.A.A.S is forced to maim you, you ugly cunts. I?m afraid only B.A.A.S member?s photos are allowed on the page. I have however taken the liberty of wiping my arse on your photo several times. I hope my advice has been of some use to you.
The Editor
Dear Editor
During the last few weeks at our work place one of your B.A.A.S members has been making our lives a living hell by calling us numerous names. What makes this so confusing is the fact that we have hardly ever spoke to him. We believe he has a severe mental problem and fear for our physical safety. Please make him stop so we can get on with our lives.
Ratty and Fatty
Dear Ratty and Fatty
Luckily this situation has come to my attention over the last few weeks and I am aware of the B.A.A.S student you are referring to. You must understand however that all B.A.A.S students have the right to make your life a living hell with such activities as glassing, maiming and nobbling. Luckily for you the situation is only in the name-calling phase. I have however had words with the said student and he has promised me that he will soon be progressing into the maiming stage. I hope my kind words have been of some comfort to you in these trying fucked up times.
The Editor
Feel free to e-mail me with any of your problems
B.A.A.S News
B.A.A.S member to direct a new film
A certain member of the B.A.A.S is soon to direct a film that will go by the name of Supernatural. I would like to state that while although some of the members of the B.A.A.S believe this member to be passed all help the editor would like to bring certain facts to you the readers attention.
1. It is now all the fashion to be fucked in the head.
2. Such immature thoughts must be worthy of some recognition.
3. To be so fucked in the head without drinking or doing drugs is unheard of.
Congratulations to Lee for becoming a Father. The sprogg is a girl and is already rumoured to have been in some kind of glassing incident.
The B.A.A.S students will soon be visiting the Oktober Beer Festival in Germany. ACE.
Which ever bastards broke into Nidge's car will face the punishment of a severe slaying courtesey of the B.A.A.S.
Any runt who does not appreciate the humour of this page needs to find themselves a life. Anyone who is sad enough to find this offensive we have two words for you. SUCK IT!!!!!!
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